You know you’re from Miami when ↓
you call flip-flops chancletas
you wear chancletas EVERY fuckn WHERE
you live 15 minutes from the beach, but you never go
the car behind you honks their horn because you stopped at a red light
you live across or minutes away from a public park
you get mad if the DJ doesn’t play salsa, meringue, bachata, or reggaeton at a party
you buy your party food at Blue Sky
you take pictures at a bday party with the parties,cake and croquetas for the family in CUBA
you refer to your hometown as mayeyo/​305/​dade
you know you can’t get a job without speaking Spanish
you know you can’t really get anywhere without speaking Spanish
you only go to a Marlins, Heat, or Dolphins game if they’re on a winning streak
you instinctively buy gallons of water during hurricane season, just in case
you hope for a hurricane to come so you don’t have to go to work/school
you know only tourists go clubbing on South Beach
you spend your summer days inside cuz it’s hot as hell outside.​.​.​literally
you’re so used to craziness that very few things surprise you anymore
you want to move the hell out of miami and never come back
you know never to buy mangoes or avocados at a grocery store cuz u grow them in your backyard
you go to a store/business and the manager tells you “ehh piki pani?” cuz they barely can speak english
you know allll the kinds of pastelitos (heck yeah!)
you know that Argentineans make the best steak for the best prices
you bump into Trick Daddy and Pitbull and everywhere ,
you think the Westland mall is the ghettoest of all the malls
you know to be out of Downtown by 6 pm
you have to wait 4 hours for a bus to come that’s supposed to come by ever y 30 minutes
it’s 60 degrees outside and you wear a sweater, a jacket, gloves, a scarf, a hat, and boots
you know the only time there’s no traffic on the Palmetto is from 1-5 AM!
you know at least one person who has more than six people living in their houses
your neighbor keeps chickens and goats in their back yard, and you’re always worried you’ll find one of them dead on your doorstep
when fckn viejas keep foil paper in theyre windows
you go to Hme Depot 4 hours before hurricane Jenna arrives
you know the only hills are trash hills
you see reffs walking around with white socks and hats that say USA with the american flag n shit
the only rivers you’ve seen are the Miami River and canals
you know any woman walking around after dark on Flagler or Biscayne is a prostitute
you own a guayabera or know what one is
you dont go to Calle Ocho anymore
you see the fake rooster statues in every corner off calle 8
you take your car to go one block down the street
you atleast made the line to see Celia Cruz’ body when she died, and neva saw shit
you buy mamoncillos & limes while waiting in traffic
when a a light lunch consists of chicharrones and malta Hatuey
you see every 3 houses there’s a Lonchero TRUCK!
when you call SW ” Sawesera”
you get your chicken from Pollo Tropical
your shrimp, lobster, and designer purses all come from one place: some guy’s trunk in Hialeah
you see girls wearing clubbing clothes to go to 7-11
there’s a sedanoson every corner
you know you NEED to buy a lock at Auto zone for your custome rims
you have to put on the invitations “starts at 2:30pm ” when the event really starts at 6:00pm just so people actually get there on time. (lol you know thats true)
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